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The Power of Who…

Leave a Comment / family, networks, thought-life / By

Without the ability to leverage your relationships, you cannot and will not prevail.
Sometimes your relationships are more important than your mindset.
The right people can help you get your mind right when you need it. 

Welcome back!

And to those of you joining us for the first time, hello there! I am so happy to have you here with me. (As you likely guessed from my exclamation points.).

This is the final installment of an introductory series on goal-getting; how to visualize an end and then hit the ground to make it happen.  If you’ve been with me a while you will note that I use words like deliberate intention and manifesting.  I say things like “Source energy” and “Spirit”, but at no point will you hear me say that you can will things to you without work.  I am a firm believer in the precept that “faith without works is dead.”

It is for this very reason that I have spent the last few weeks explaining the importance of clarity and consistency; personal identity; and how that identity looks on the world; the latter of which I broke down in two parts (click here and here). I believe it is imperative for us to understand all the internal and external elements of creating an abundant life.  I believe that we are supernatural beings having a natural experience, therefore we get our marching order from a Higher Power.  When we are solid in our identity, we become clear about our assignment and can be consistent in our actions. As we progress, we will encounter those who agree to walk with us. Some will temporary and we will serve them.  Others won’t stay long, but will be of service.  Others still will stay with us through many seasons of our lives.

Business consultant, author and public speaker, Bob Beudine, wrote a great book entitled The Power of Who.  The book attests that we already know everyone we need to know.  Now, with social media and other instant forms of access, we are fewer than two or three degrees of separation away from anyone we may need to know, which means that we know someone who knows them or can gain us entry into their circle. In short – you already know everyone you need to know.

I urge anyone who is looking to create a better life for themselves and their family to read the book.  Bob breaks down the different types of connections we have with people, from acquaintances to close friends. He notes that Jesus used a similar structure in his relationships when selecting to work with disciples.  There were those with whom he interacted occasionally (Barnabas), those whom knew of him and spoke well of him (the 200), those who knew him well (the 12) and those in his inner-circle (the 3).

Interestingly, including Jesus there were four people in his inner-circle.  I don’t believe this is a coincidence. In this group Jesus would be the Visionary, John the Builder, Peter the Implementer and James the Analyst. Indeed, you must have all four to outline a plan and see it fulfilled WELL.  There is something about all four perspectives with their varying talents, skills and abilities coming together that makes it effective and swift.

If, upon taking inventory of your life, you notice that you have a particular talent but you aren’t seeing the best fruits, I urge you to look at “the who” factor in your life.

Who are you around?  Is there enough diversity? Are all four groups represented? Are they represented well? Are you surrounded by frustrated, average or mediocre counterparts? Are you expending more energy trying to get everyone up to par than you are getting things done?  Are you missing counterparts altogether; lacking the resources and support you need to “Pass Go and Collect $200”? (If you’re not old enough for that comment, kudos for reading this, but go look up Monopoly then come back).

The point is, without people in your life – without the ability to leverage your relationships for mutual benefit – you cannot and will not prevail.  Your partnerships are as important as your mindset. In fact, I will even go so far as to say that in many cases your partnerships are more important than your mindset because the right people can help you get your head out of your butt when it counts. Choose wisely.

Want to know how to pick the right friends?  I’m glad you asked.  Join us next time, when we’ll be talking about just that very thing.  Ha!

You know I love you.  You love me, too.

Until next time, Mavericks and Mavens.

Live, Love, Laugh, Legacy –
Iscis

PS  – Where are you on your legacy journey?  Are you finally finding the kind of kindreds that make your mouth water and your toes curl (In a totally spiritual way, of course)? Are you seeing a pattering in your “people picking process”? Is it working for you? Something you need to change?  I’d love to know. Leave me a comment below.

Special thanks to Google and blogs.warwick.ac.uk for the featured image.

Kindred Connections

Leave a Comment / friends, friendships, kindreds, support, thought-life / By

friendsWhen you know your worth and what you bring to the table, it makes it easier for you
to place people where they belong in your life based on what they show you
rather than where you would like them to be based on your hopes for their potential.

Hey there Legacy Leaders, Mavericks, Mavens and Kindreds –

Thank you for joining me here again. It is truly an honor and a pleasure to share with you all as you embark on your journeys to a limitless legacy.

This is the final installment in our foundation building series on how to create the life you and your family desire and deserve.  As always, my hope is that by the end you find a way to love big and live whole, so that all you are comes to serve not only your circle, but the world at large.

To date, we’ve discussed the importance of having a clear vision and taking consistent action toward achieving it.  We’ve delved into the importance of knowing yourself and how it attributes to clarity, and what kind of complementary kindreds you will likely need when creating your inner-circle so you can be effective and consistent.

Today, we’re going to talk about how to make new friends.  Not simply how to identify them, but what you will need to know and understand before you start looking for the folks who will eventually serve in your “Circle of Trust.”

You may or may not be familiar with the Ben Stiller movie franchise, which began with Meet the Parents. In this film, Gaylord “Gary” Focker – it’s as funny as it sounds – (played by Ben Stiller) meets his future father-in-law, Jack, (played by Robert DeNiro) who happens to be a retired CIA spy.  He has access to resources and manpower that allow him to pry into every personal facet of Gary’s life. Gary’s relationship is practically ruined by his father-in-law because at every turn he seems to prove that Gary isn’t worthy to be in his “Circle of Trust”.

Jack is very particular about his Circle of Trust. No one is allowed in (or out) without his say-so.  Furthermore, he is deliberately intentional about the outcomes for his Circle.

Granted, Jack is a little fanatical and overbearing, which ultimately leads to him being put out of his own circle, but we could learn a couple things from him about how we look for potential partners (in life, love, business, etc) and what we need to know before we do.

KNOW YOUR WORTH
Be aware of what you bring to the table.  Do you know who are?  Do you understand your inherent value?  How do you see yourself: as complete, a work in progress, in need of someone else to make you better? Are you a perfectionist?  Do you hold the reigns too tight, or do you trust others around you because you trust yourself and your judgment?

Here’s a lesson we can learn from Jack. HE thought a little too highly of himself. For most of his adult life, his family indulged him in his beliefs about what was best – without question.  Questioning his authority meant questioning his intelligence and his integrity; it implied that the person inquiring knew better than he did. Though we don’t know it right away, Jack fears losing his family more than anything, which is why he enmeshes himself so deeply into their lives.  But his fear of losing them is rooted in his fear of failing them. For Jack, losing his family is the equivalent of his failing as a father, a husband and a man. It’s only when he lets go (kinda) that he gets everything he wants.

How you view yourself is imperative to how you choose the people around you.  When you know your worth and what you bring to the table, it makes it easier for you to place people where they belong in your life based on what they show you rather than where you would like them to be based on your hopes for their potential. When you trust yourself, you trust your judgment (and you know how to brush off the hiccups).

KNOW WHAT YOU NEED
Before you go looking for people to fill your inner-circle, you need to be honest with yourself about what you want and why you want it.  Again, drawing people into your life is all about you first. If you aren’t honest with yourself you will invariably lie to the world around you. For instance, you may think you need someone assertive, forthcoming and articulate to complement your quiet, meek demeanor.  However, what you may really need is someone who exhibits those traits who can help you develop them within yourself.  This means that not only will s/he be assertive and strong, but s/he will also be compassionate, considerate and patient.  See how the relationship dynamic shifted a little when you added those other attributes? You no longer need someone who will simply do those things for you, but will do them with you.

Let’s revisit our friend Jack again.  Jack knew exactly what he wanted, but he wasn’t honest about his why.  Outwardly, he appeared to want his family to have the best of everything so they could be happy, but in truth it was about them having the best of everything so he could look good. Once Jack accepted that truth, he as able to step away from it and allow his family to have what they wanted.

When you’re honest about your why, you’ll find that things take an amazing turn for the better. Not only do people show up who want to help you, but suddenly there’s a synchronicity – a synergy – that allows you to go farther, faster. Be honest, get real and get moving.  Who do you need? Why do you really need them?  If it makes you tear up (or choke a little) you’re on-track.

KNOW HOW TO SERVE
Building a life of laughter, love, abundance that can ensure for generations takes work – teamwork.  You are going to need help; whether it be your spouse, parents, family or friends.  You are going to need people to sacrifice themselves at times.  But can you give as good as you get?  Are you able to return the favor?  You may be unashamed to ask for help when you need, but can you be equally unashamed to offer help when it’s required?  I’m not talking about unsolicited advice; I’m talking about genuine assistance.  It doesn’t take much effort to help someone in the way you think they should be help, but it takes patience, compassion and humility to help someone in the way they need and prefer.

Let’s revisit our dear friend Jack one last time.  Ironically, though this movie is one of the funnies I’ve seen in some time, it deals with some heavy hitting family dynamic issues – and in ways that make it bearable to watch…repeatedly! See, by the end of the film Jack has been put out of the circle of trust he started. His wife and daughter want nothing to do with him, and Gaylord…Gary, has decided that the pressure of being part of the family is too much, so he opts to end his relationship with his fiance and hop a plane back home.  Jack now has a choice: stand his ground and believe he knows best or alter his position and ultimately give his family what he wanted for them all along, their happiness.  Of course, he chooses the latter.  Now, Jack – who’d initially used every trick in his book to get Gary to disappear – will use every single one of his resources to get Gary to stay! Sure, Jack seeing his family happy served his ultimate goal but he had to be willing to sacrifice himself.

The same holds true for you.  If you want people in your life to love you, honor you, appreciate you, support you and contribute to your overall well-being, you have to reciprocate.  Sometimes, you even have to initiate. This is what I call having a servant’s heart.  It’s when you give freely, not expecting anything in return, that you receive most fully,

Okay, so by now you have figured out that you have a lot of work to do before you can draw the people you need into your life – especially where it pertains to your inner-circle. You need to know who you are, what you want and why you want it.  But, perhaps most important of all, you need to know how to be a friend.

Having the life you desire and deserve is as simple as having people around you who support your vision, believe in your dreams and are willing to help you get where you want to be.  If you want to surround yourself with such people, be one yourself.

Getting to the goal

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Some people think that planning is the same as preparing, but the truth is if you invest in a poor plan you’re still wasting your time. Being clear in your objectives and knowing what you want, then taking the necessary steps to manifest that desire is the epitome of working smarter and not harder.

We all want things out of life.

Some want basics like food, shelter, and clothing.  Others want an abundance, more than enough…overflow.  Some of us want to make more money or build better relationships, Others still are dreaming of new experiences or how to relate differently to the world in which we live.

In these scenarios, there’s usually that someone we talk to about what we’re thinking. Some of us will even talk to…I mean think aloud to ourselves about what we could be improved and how we could improve it. Unfortunately, we can become so accustomed to talking about it that we place no real focus on learning how to manifest these dreams. Or worse, we know everything we need to but, for whatever barrage of reasons, never take the action that ensures their fruition.

And it isn’t intentional.  Right?  Who sits around thinking, “I don’t actually want to be successful. Note even in the least. I don’t want to be fulfilled”? Who? “I have no issue with this constant yearning for more; this need to be meaningful and feel like I’m contributing my best to the world around me,” #saidnooneever. Well, at least no one I know.

We all want to feel full; to live life and not just watch it pass us by.  This became especially true for me after becoming a parent. When I speak to new parents, it’s often the same.  It is now very crucial to figure out just how to do be the best version of yourself.  Not because you want to be the perfect person or the perfect parent, but because you now understand that giving your child an example is so much better than the best advice.

Being your best will have unspeakable rewards for your life, it’s true – but there’s something about knowing that being wholly and unapologetically you will help them do just the same.

Be honest, would you rather listen to the person who has some great theories for creating the kind of life you’ve always dreamed of living but has never achieved it for herself, or would you rather follow in the footsteps of someone who’s actually done it? Most people would say they want the tried and true example; someone who can tell them how to avoid pitfalls and leverage opportunities.

The problem, though, is that even after you find someone who’s done what you want to do and can offer some guidelines for how to create the kinds of things you’ve always wanted to see in your life, there’s no guarantee that a) you will have the same kinds of outcomes and b) that you will want those things once you have them.  But I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

You can avoid expending all your time, energy and joy trying to achieve success only to discover you don’t want that version of success once you have it – or worse, never see it in the first place.  You’re only required to contribute two things: clarity and consistency.

Clarity and consistency can save you quite a bit of heartache. Being clear in your objectives and knowing what you want, then taking the necessary steps to manifest that desire is the epitome of working smarter and not harder.

Abe Lincoln is famous for having said, “If you tell me I have six hours to chop down a tree, I’ll spend the first six sharpening my ax.”  He was referring to the importance of preparation.   Some people think that planning is the same as preparing, but the truth is if you invest in a poor plan you’re still wasting your time.

The best way to prepare is to know your destination, and you can’t know where you are going unless you’re clear.

Granted, sometimes the beauty of the journey is in the route traveled, but even the most scenic route can become a complication if you don’t know where you’re headed.  I’m all for “getting lost” on occasion, taking a random turn just to see what’s down the road – but when building your life (and your legacy) you want to avoid random turns at all costs.

Now, I’m not referring to life’s detours – those unexpected  twists and turns you’ll have to navigate along the way. I’m talking about moments of seemingly harmless passivity that masquerade as “going with the flow” and “just trying some things out”, which in truth are self-induced sabotage and deprecation.  If you’re on vacation and want to give some things a shot…hey, go for it.  But not when you’re trying to build a solid life – to create something for the special someone or someones in your life – you need to be clear and consistent. Period.

So just what do clarity and consistency look like? I’m glad you asked.

I’ll tell you next time.   😉

Until soon Legacy Leaders!

Your Lady Boss, Legacy Builder, Mommy Maverick, Sister Friend –
Iscis